U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize