U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
