i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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