: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
