Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
