found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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