Sry I called you an 8
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
