Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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