the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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