I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
