first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
