He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
