my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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