who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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