just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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