I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
