Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
