i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
