Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need water and some morals
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
