Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i would punch a child for taco bell
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
