i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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