dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
