So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
