So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
