it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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