Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
