I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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