I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
