is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
