so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
