Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
