if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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