If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
