My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize