I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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