two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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