I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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