Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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