i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
