Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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