If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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