That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
