I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
