Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
