well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
