I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
