I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
