guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When did angry sex become our thing?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
