3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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