I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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