im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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