Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my being single is dangerous.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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