ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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