Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
