It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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