Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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