i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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