Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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