Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
