i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
