I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
