so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
