i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
