4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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