If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
