You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
